7 pro tips for how to host an at-home wedding without losing your mind
“Are you sure you want all these people in your house?” I asked the groom’s mom when she offered to host the wedding at her Jackson Hole, Wyo., home. My daughter and her son were engaged. Every wedding venue we looked at was booked.
“Oh, they won’t be in the house,” she said. “We’ll keep the wedding outside.”
I’d only just met this woman over Zoom, but already I liked her common sense and practical boundaries.
“What about bathrooms?” I asked.
“Oh, we’ll rent one of those posh, pull-up trailers with flush toilets and sinks,” she said.
This conversation happened six months ago. Since then, life has been a blur of florists and photographers, bakers and bands, and lots of check writing to pay for it all. According to event planners, we were not alone.
“I’ve noticed a big uptick in home weddings since COVID, because wedding venues are so hard to find,” said Kimball Stroud, an A-list event planner in Washington DC, whose clients have included Elon Musk and Hillary Clinton. “And that’s a good thing.”
A big benefit of having a home wedding is that you can pick your date, she said. “You’re not at the mercy of a venue’s calendar, which often fills up a year ahead.”
“A home is the first choice by far,” Stroud said. “I tell any couple getting married to ask around to find a family member or friend who has a nice home. If you have the space and grounds, why not?”
Here’s why not: Though more personal, home weddings are not necessarily easier nor less expensive. Traditional venues like hotels, churches or banquet halls have the tables, chairs, linens, tableware, parking, bathroom facilities and staff. When you host a home-based wedding, that’s all on you.
Although rain in Jackson Hole in August is rare, the weekend of the wedding, all the town’s annual rainfall conspired to fall at once. (Insert heavy sobs.) We let go of our dreams for an outdoor wedding under a blue summer sky and a bower of flowers, and resigned ourselves to chairs in the dance tent. Thirty minutes before the ceremony, however, the skies cleared, and the sun smiled down on the slushy grass, the processional, the vows and the cocktail hour on the front lawn.
At dinner time, the guests migrated to the tent around back, and moments later, the skies poured rain. Bathtubs of it. And there we were, old friends and new acquaintances, all dressed up, magically surrounded by candles, flowers, great food and grand feelings. Yes, shoes were ruined. Long dresses were muddied. But I wouldn’t have changed one detail.
If you’re planning a special event at home, here’s what to consider:
Hire an event planner. A good wedding planner not only anticipates issues but plans for them. They let you focus on enjoying the day, while they tend to the flow and the various vendor headaches. And if you’re planning a wedding from afar, a local planner will have leverage with vendors that you don’t.
Have a rain plan. “You simply must have tenting and be prepared for rain, or you cannot have the event,” Stroud said. “Rain could destroy the whole affair.”
Think through parking. Few residences can accommodate 50 parked cars. Arrange for shuttles or golf carts to transport guests between the residence and a communal parking area or primary hotels nearby. Providing transportation alleviates the parking problem, keeps guests who have been drinking from driving, and lets hosts make sure everyone is off the premises by a set time.
Give neighbors a heads up. The groom’s parents told their neighbors months in advance that they would be hosting a wedding and asked for their understanding and consideration. All were gracious. In return, the hosts promised that the band would stop playing by 10 p.m.
Rent a loo. “You might be able to host a dinner party for 20 or even 50 in a private home and use the home’s restrooms,” Stroud said, “but the plumbing in most homes can’t handle more than that.” Fortunately, very nice trailers for this are available.
Dedicate space for the bridal party. The groom’s parents made their guest house available to the bride and her attendants, while the guys used the pool house. If you don’t have separate spaces, consider using a hotel room nearby.
Control for pests. Have your yard sprayed for mosquitoes and put out bug spray.
Marni Jameson is the author of six home and lifestyle books, including “Downsizing the Family Home – What to Save, What to Let Go.” Reach her at www.marnijameson.com.