DEAR DEIDRE: MY friends say I’m disrespecting my dead wife’s memory by getting back together with my ex, but I feel ready to find love again.
My wife died almost two years ago from breast cancer. I loved her with all my heart, but I have been so lonely since she passed.
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I’m 45 and my late wife was 42. We were married for ten years and didn’t have children.
Coping with her death, especially during the lockdowns, was incredibly hard.
My 46-year-old ex-girlfriend, who I was with in my 20s, has been a great comfort to me.
We broke up amicably because we wanted different things at the time.
After reconnecting on social media, we have been meeting for the past few months.
She also lost a partner a few years ago, so she understands exactly what I’ve been going through.
When we started meeting, she gave me the physical contact I so crave.
Hugs soon turned into kisses. We have now slept together a few times.
But when I mentioned her to a few friends, their reactions weren’t positive.
Some people think it’s too soon for me to be getting involved with another woman. They act like I’m cheating on my dead wife.
Others said it was a very bad idea to jump into a relationship with my ex-girlfriend, especially as things didn’t work out with her in the past.
They worry I’ll get my heart broken.
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I will never stop loving my wife, but I need to move on with my life and find happiness again.
Can this relationship work out?
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DEIDRE SAYS: There are no rules dictating when a bereaved person is ready to find love again.
Some people will always disapprove. But if you feel ready, it’s nobody else’s business.
You aren’t betraying your wife’s memory, and I’m sure she would want you to be happy again. The danger is that if things don’t work out with your ex, it might compound your grief.
And getting back with an ex – when things didn’t work out the first time – can be problematic, unless the things that drove you apart have been resolved.
But all relationships are a risk, and you’re much older and more mature than you were 20 years ago.
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It’s a good idea to talk with your ex about all these issues. As for those who disapprove, explain how you feel. They should accept your relationship in time.
Counselling, either grief or relationship, could be helpful. My support packs about counselling and bereavement will tell you more.