Harriette Cole: I’m fed up with the rude mom I work for
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the nanny to two young children whom I absolutely love, but I don’t love their parents.
I think that the parents can be neglectful. I don’t really like the way that they speak to me, their children or to others. The mother is especially rude.
My attachment to the kids is what keeps me at the job. The job is enjoyable because I love spending time with them.
I’m afraid I’m not doing what is right for me, but what is right for the kids. Is it time for me to go? How do I know when it’s time to move on?
Love Being a Nanny
DEAR LOVE BEING A NANNY: Why do you think the mother is so rude? Can you figure out what’s going on with her? Is there a way for you to establish a better rapport with her? Try that before you walk away.
For the good of the children, it would be healthy if you and the parents could have a more respectful relationship. Otherwise, the children will believe that the behavior that they witness is OK.
In terms of neglect, tactfully remind the parents of the tasks that you think are important for them to fulfill. Get creative with this. Put sticky notes on the fridge or in the children’s rooms. See if you can encourage more attentiveness in a nonjudgmental way.
If nothing works and you continue to feel demeaned by the parents, it is time for you to plan your exit. Do nothing rash. If you are with an agency, let them know it is time to move on — and why. If you are independent, put out your feelers at schools and in neighborhoods densely populated with families.
Be mindful not to bad-mouth these people. Just say it is time for you to move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Sarah” accused our mutual friend’s husband, “Ted,” of cheating back in 2019. Sarah alleged that her sister matched with Ted on a dating app. Ted’s wife, “Anne,” didn’t believe Sarah or her sister.
At the time, Anne gave me great reasons as to why she didn’t believe that Ted was cheating, so I believed her. I was on Anne’s side until recently. I found out new details about the dating app situation, and now I believe that Ted was 100% cheating.
Should I tell her about this? It’s been years now, so maybe they’ve talked it out privately. I don’t want to create any issues.
New Details
DEAR NEW DETAILS: Stay out of it. It was convoluted during the first go-round, and it will not be simpler now.
Even when affairs are obvious, people often do not believe that they are real if they aren’t ready to face the truth. Hopefully, your friends have sorted through their issues — those that precipitated the alleged affair in the first place. If not, pointing out the lie is not going to cause that to happen.
Don’t put yourself in the middle of a mess that you cannot control, properly address or resolve. No good will come of it. Instead, give them space to live their lives. If something comes down the pike that makes it obvious that new transgressions are currently in play, that’s when some of this can be revisited. It is not your place to take on these sins of the past.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.