I’m a parenting expert – it’s bad to be too strict if you have daughters, setting firm boundaries could ruin their life
OH, to be a teenager again – the endless opportunities, first crushes, figuring yourself out, no back and knee pain.
But for some it also meant dealing with strict parents and not being able to go out as much as their peers – if my mum and dad said “no”, that means “no”.
But a parenting expert has revealed of the potential dangers – which could even be life-threatening – if you give your daughters firm boundaries to live by.
Aly Pain, from California, warned parents on her TikTok channel, which has attracted almost half a million followers.
In the video, where the mum-of-two asked if your daughter is allowed to speak up, Aly explained the importance of being flexible when there are disagreements between the parents and their daughter.
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“Parents of daughters, if you’re in the frame of mind where parenting is absolute authority, your word is the last word, there’s no room for talking back or speaking up, their opinions aren’t welcome, you’ve laid down the boundaries and rules and that’s how it’s going to roll, let’s project that into the future for a moment when they date,” she said.
The expert, who helps “parents end painful disconnection with their teens”, then asked to imagine how their daughter, now fully afraid to speak up, will let men treat her.
“I started dating cuz I was looking for love in all the wrong places and never found it,” she explained.
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The now-happily-married to the 3x Olympian, Jeff Pain, said she never realised she was allowed to set boundaries with men.
“That’s right!”
“This isn’t about not giving myself permission or too scared to set up a boundary – I literally didn’t know I had permission to set a boundary with men.”
Coming from a background of being a troubled teen who suffered from eating disorders and anxiety, young Aly truly believed that they had the final say over her life and her body.
“And I couldn’t speak up or talk back to them,” she added.
“You know why?” she asked.
“Cuz that’s how I was raised!”
According to her, if your daughter doesn’t have permission to take part in a dialogue or a disagreement, she will find it difficult to use her voice in the real world.
Amongst those who watched the video, there appeared to be many who used to be in the same position as Aly when growing up.
“Yepppp. This was so damaging for me,” as one claimed.
Another user explained of her current relationship with parents: “The thing is if I speak up I get dismissed or ridiculed.”
“Oh the accuracy of this,” wrote one viewer, “She believes that she’s not deserving of basic respect and boundaries, she doesn’t know.”
“Ahh. The emotional intelligence. I wish more parents got this…”
For more parenting advice, see what this expert says about time outs and why they never work.
Meanwhile, this mum’s banned her kids from sleepovers saying she’s worried about WEAPONS & doesn’t care if it seems mean.
Kids fight a lot? This mum swears by lazy parenting and doesn’t get involved.