DEAR DEIDRE: RECENTLY I have been avoiding sex with my girlfriend because I want to try again with my ex.
We have been divorced for two years. I am 53 and my ex is 52.
We were married for 19 years and have three children together, aged 16, 13 and 11.
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Her brothers’ constant involvement in our marriage pushed me away.
After arguments, one would show up on the doorstep threatening me.
At first I thought I had made the right decision, but sexually my girlfriend is just so “vanilla” compared to my ex.
I miss her passion and our adventurous sex life – we would try sex toys and role play, but my girlfriend won’t even have sex with the lights on.
Recently, I’ve had to think about my ex to get aroused. I know it’s wrong, so I’ve stopped trying.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Talk to your girlfriend about how you would like to be more adventurous in the bedroom. Explain how important this is to you.
My support pack, How To Be An Exciting Lover, will give you both ideas.
If your heart still isn’t in your current relationship, it isn’t fair to continue. You must kindly tell her you don’t see a future together.
But be wary of getting back with your ex. The same issues will still be there.
Consider how you can bring about real change. You would need to establish clear boundaries when it comes to her brothers, for a start.