Opening Day Rules For Us April Fools
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*rubs ancient lamp, a blue genie appears* I have three wishes for this baseball season. My first wish is "No one I own get hurt." I didn’t draft Dinelson Lamet, Josh Donaldson or Trevor Rosenthal, so I made your job easy for you, great, powerful Genie. My 2nd wish is "Everyone I drafted do well." I drafted Juan Soto, Trevor Story and Alec Bohm, so, really, I’m doing much of the heavy lifting for this wish too. My 3rd and final wish is "All defensive shifts are eight catchers stacked on top of each other like a totem pole.” Thanking you in advance, Genie. Wait a second, you’re not a genie, you’re Bartolo Colon in Blue Man Group paint. Damn you!
Okay, breathe in, breathe out. Take a moment. Really feel the ground below your feet. The air in your lungs. The soon-turds in your lower intestine. You're alive. That's the feeling. April baseball, you giant love muffin! I missed you so much. I'd get choked up, but I cried out all my tears at Luis Castillo's start. Remember, the only thing you really should take away from yesterday's player performances is: It's one game. Anyway, here's what I saw yesterday for fantasy baseball: