I’ve lost all respect for my girlfriend after finding her secret bag of BDSM sex toys
DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING my girlfriend’s secret bag of BDSM sex toys has made me ask myself how well I really know her.
I thought we had so much in common. Both our previous partners cheated on us and trusting someone new was a big step for us both.
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I am 44 and went through an awful divorce before I met my partner, who is 41.
I wanted nothing to do with women after I moved out of the family home — and that is how it stayed for the next two years, until I met my girlfriend at a local open-air concert.
That was three years ago. I’d never fancied anyone as much. But we took it steadily and started dating properly after a couple of months.
She still has her own place — where she lives with her two daughters, who are 14 and 13 — and I have my own home.
Sexually, she introduced me to things I’d never experienced before, which was really exciting; we used handcuffs, blindfolds and much more.
I thought I was pretty experienced, as I’d slept with 15 or so other women.
But I realised how limited my sex life had been.
She says she only had two partners before me.
Yet judging from the contents of that bag, she has clearly tried things I’ve never even heard of.
I found her stash of BDSM toys when I was helping her set up a new garden shed.
Fear she plays away?
Think your other half is straying?
For the support pack Your Woman Cheating On You? email deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk and read my advice on Facebook, Twitter or at the-sun.co.uk/deidre.
Some of her tools were in her loft and I accidentally picked up the wrong box. The contents of that box were jaw-dropping.
She had a full body restraint kit, ball gag, whips and a flogger.
There were contraptions in there that left me dumbfounded — all spikes and long poles.
How can my girlfriend be who I thought she was when she has all this extreme gear?
I don’t know how to talk about this. I feel like I’ve lost all respect for her.
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DEIDRE SAYS: There is nothing wrong with bondage as long as all parties involved are consenting.
You might not be familiar with BDSM, or comfortable with some aspects of it, but be assured there is nothing wrong with it.
Many couples enjoy a healthy sex life that includes bondage.
Just like you, your girlfriend has a past and it seems that bag is part of it.
Secrets in relationships can be damaging, so if you feel you need to know more, ask her lightly about what you found.
Try to stay open-minded or she might feel judged and defensive.
I am sure that once you speak to her, you will start to feel more comfortable with your discovery. After all, everybody has a past.
Have a read of my support packs Kinky Sex and Fetishes, which explain more.
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