My sex-mad older lover wants us to have a threesome… but I’m worried
DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover and I always have the hots for one another and can drive each other wild with desire – but I’m having my doubts now he wants to try a threesome.
I am 33 and my lover is 45. We met through an online game two years ago and got chatting.
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I’ve been married for ten years and he’s been married for more than 15.
He admitted he’d had an affair for three years and I confessed that I’d had a fling too.
He loves sexting and we enjoyed that until the end of last year, when he suggested we meet for real.
He commutes to work by car and began stopping off at my home after my husband had left for work in the morning, or on the way home in the evening if my other half was working late.
The sex was great but one time he pulled away from me after just a couple of minutes because his wife called.
I got frustrated when he said he had to leave and he retreated a bit after that.
He said he was being careful to protect my marriage and he expected me to be careful around his.
But I didn’t hear from him for a couple of weeks. Then he got in touch, saying he couldn’t stop thinking about me.
I suggested we be sex buddies and he said that would be ideal — all the action without drama, claims and complications.
That’s how it’s been these last few months. But recently he asked if I’d be up for a threesome.
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I said I’d do it with his wife but he said she wouldn’t approve.
He asked, “How about another woman, or a man?”
I said that, since he and I are both married, that is already four people who are sexually connected. In terms of protecting our health, that is enough.
We can’t involve yet more people. We left it there but I know he is going to keep asking for a threesome. I don’t know what to do.
My husband is a decent man but our marriage doesn’t satisfy me completely.
I was pregnant when we got married but had a late miscarriage and it left me unable to have children.
He’s kind and caring, but there’s no passion there.
DEIDRE SAYS: I am afraid that your lover sees you as a sexual convenience and he is no cure for an empty marriage.
Stop this dead-end affair and tell your husband you two need to tackle your shared pain over losing that baby and grieve over not being able to have the family you expected.
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Maybe you could foster or adopt a child, and you can certainly enrich your marriage.
Start by finding understanding through the Miscarriage Association – they help male partners too.
See miscarriageassociation.org.uk or call 01924 200799.
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