I had amazing sex with my estranged wife but I don’t want to hurt my girlfriend
DEAR DEIDRE: I MET my ex to talk about our son and we ended up having sex.
My love for her is as great as it ever was but I live with a girlfriend who would be broken if I left her.
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Three years ago my wife and I split up after a tough few months of us arguing.
I always intended to go on being part of my son’s life but I said some dreadful things to my wife and she stopped contact with me.
And I was too proud to say sorry or keep trying, though I did pay child maintenance. I am 32, my wife is 30 and our son is four.
I met my girlfriend through work soon afterwards and we moved in together after a few months.
We both work hard and have a good lifestyle, though a bit limited currently, of course.
She is 27, gorgeous, sexy and loves me to bits, so life has been fun.
Last month I had a text from my wife out of the blue because she felt our son should know his daddy.
We started chatting, first by text, then on Facebook Live.
It made me so happy to have them in my life again and hear what they are up to.
My ex suggested I should drive over to get to know my son again.
It felt awkward at first but she had got toys out ready and I took over a big set of Lego, which broke the ice.
I felt so at home and really happy to play with my son.
We went out for a walk and got a pizza for tea. My ex and I shared a bottle of wine and started to get flirty.
I could feel myself falling in love with her all over again.
She suggested I go back home with them so we could talk about things after she had put our son to bed.
Being able to give him a kiss goodnight, I was so moved that I was almost in tears when she came back downstairs.
She took one look at me and gave me a cuddle, which turned into a passionate kiss.
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All the old feelings came back, and we had sex just like the old days.
I now feel so torn.
I know I still love her but I don’t want to hurt my new partner or lose the life we have built together.
DEIDRE SAYS: You had a wonderful and deeply moving day.
It would be brilliant for your little boy if you and his mum could get back together happily – but “happily” is the key word.
If you went rushing back in, you and your ex could be arguing as badly as ever within weeks – and that would be very damaging for your son.
Continue seeing your son but structure it so you and his mum do not keep falling back into bed.
Tell her you are feeling very torn and need to be sure you do not cause more hurt.
How does she feel? Has she fallen back in love with you?
Does she think you can make a success of family life together?
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The one sure guideline, moving forward, is do not cheat.
With so much in the balance, talk it over with a counsellor. See bacp.co.uk.
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