Miss Manners: Yes, the day after the funeral is too soon to ask
DEAR MISS MANNERS: The day after my father’s funeral, a friend who had been in attendance called me on the telephone. She proceeded to ask, “So, do you think your mother will start dating?”
I was appalled, and replied, “I really don’t want to think about that.”
She then scolded me with, “You can’t be like that. It’s your mother’s life and you have to be supportive!” I said firmly, “My father has just died.” She replied, “Too soon?” She said the last in a tone that suggested she felt her question was perfectly reasonable.
Was I too sensitive? Are such questions appropriate under these circumstances? I feel that I know the answer, but I would like Miss Manners to share her thoughts all the same.
GENTLE READER: Her chief thought is that you must protect your mother against such a person. The very callousness of those Get Over It types means that they are likely to be persistent.
Miss Manners should not have to bolster your sense that such a suggestion is outrageous to the newly bereaved — as it is to yourself, in suggesting that you are acting against your mother’s best interests — and nosy ever after.
But you will have to be stern about making that clear by saying, “My mother is in mourning, as am I. If you cannot accept that, I beg you to refrain from upsetting us.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my dinner guests, after eating chicken piccata, rice, broccoli and salad, stated: “I couldn’t eat here every night or I would gain so much weight!”
I said, “I don’t think so,” and he stated, “I’m just making conversation.” What do you think?
GENTLE READER: That he is not likely to make such a remark again. One way to stop a careless remark is to take it at face value.
But you and Miss Manners both know that what your guest meant was not that your food is fattening, but that it is so good that he would not be able to control himself. So don’t be too hard on him.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I wondered what the proper etiquette is for mask wearing and placement at an outdoor sit-down restaurant.
We saw couples wearing no masks at all, which seemed rude to the staff and risky to the diners. We also saw couples wearing masks the whole time, lifting them up only to take food or drink, but that seemed impractical.
I want to be able to tuck my mask out of the way when eating and talking with my in-bubble quarantine companion, but have it ready to go when waitstaff come by. What do you recommend?
GENTLE READER: Consider that rather than adding a problem, this situation has removed the problem of whether you should wear a tie. (All right, you wouldn’t have anyway, but for the sake of argument.) While you are eating or drinking, your mask should be worn around your neck.
That way you can pull it up quickly when needed, instead of rummaging around wherever you left it.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.